How to Successfully Potty Train in 12 Easy Steps

Step 1. Buy all sorts and sizes of potties including ones that creepily congratulate your little one when they “go tinkey” and sing a celebratory song when they do a no.2. Although come to think of it, isn’t that something we’d all appreciate?

Step 2. Buy a gazillion rewards chart. Wonder where all the stickers have gotten to. Find them in the rather loaded nappies of smaller non toilet training child.

Step 3. Tear all your hair out as child refuses to leave her nappies behind her. Weep as you remember you were once a being filled with hopes and aspirations but now you spend your days celebrating the act of a smaller version of yourself crapping into a plastic toilet.

Step 4. Drink ALL the gin.

Step 5. Resolve to wait until the child is ready.

Steps 6-11. Repeat Step 5

Step 12. Toilet train your child with no gimmicks,no tacky songs, simply by imparting a complete understanding of the socially acceptable method of emptying one’s bowels and urethras only WHEN the child is ready.

Bask in the warm (non pee soaked) glory of attaining the that most desired of parenting milestones before starting all over again with Offspring No 2!

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