You know what you never hear about anymore? The Bermuda Triangle. That’s because it’s downsized and moved and has now set up shop in my house. We call it the “toddler effect”. Over the past two weeks I’ve had to buy 15 toothbrushes.Why? Because my first born, the apple of my eye, the sprinkle on my sundae, the light of my life keeps fucking well taking them. She uses them to “clean” all manner of surfaces-walls, floors, wardrobes, even toilets. Pretty much anything that has nothing to do with teeth. And then she disposes of them. Where I haven’t quite ascertained. I’ve checked under chests of drawers, in wardrobes and behind shower curtains. I did manage to find one floating in the toilet bowl the other day much to the amusement of one Mini. I’m not sure where Minis obsession came from. She hates brushing her teeth, having increased sensitivity in her face and mouth, but interestingly whenever I brush my teeth, she looks for her “too-tee” or toothbrush and begins to clean her own teeth, not by brushing but more by chewing, which I am reliably informed by a made up fact I conjured from somewhere is better than nothing. “
“Too-teee” she will chirp as she puts on her biggest smile and ramps up the cuteness factor to 11 before proceeding into out ensuite in order to locate her target implement. This is likely to happen at least 5 times a day, at all manner of hours from murky Irish July dawns to late at night, far later than little girls’ bedtimes should be.
I will point out the fact that there are no more toothbrushes because she has once again scattered them into the abyss.
“Tooteeeeeeee!!!” She will chirp at an alarmingly higher pitch before resuming her ear to ear grin and cocking her head to the side, one step away from batting those long lashes of hers.I will capitulate for fear she will wake her farcically light sleeper of a sister. There’s a reason why kids are so darn cute. The very survival of the human race depends on it!
Sometimes she must have two tootees, one for each hand and off she goes slowly down the stairs, applying meticulous detail to the cleaning of the banisters. But it’s not just toothbrushes that are disappearing. Soothers, socks, hair bands, hair brushes, cutlery all are disappearing one by one and sometimes two by two like a lazy Noah’s Ark of accessories. Perhaps the most annoying thing to go missing is the tops of bottles. We have 8 bottles in use at the moment and only 4 tops. Cue frantic juggling around of tops in order to make the required amount of bottles for an ever hungry infant.
Of course sometimes more valuable items enter the mini Bermuda Triangle such as car keys, wallets and Mammy’s brand new expensive mascara. Some manage to find their way out alive. Some are lost to us forever.
What items are the victim of toddler appropriation in your house?