Sh*t I say to my 3 year old

20 things I say to my 3-year-old on a daily basis. I’m not always a killjoy and I swear we do sometimes have the craic. Just not all the time as this list painfully demonstrates. Someone’s gotta be the adult here right?Any of the following sound familiar to you?

1. “Get off the window sill/the table/your sister.”

2. “Get out of the dishwasher.”

3. “Where are your pants?Put on your pants!”

4. “No you can’t have cake for breakfast.”

5. “Where is Mammy’s tweezers? expensive hand cream/new facial wash?”

6. “It’s ten past five in the morning. No you can’t watch Peppa Pig.”

7. “It’s quarter to six in the morning. No you can’t watch Pappa Pig”

8. “It’s quarter past six in the morning, No you can’t..ah sod it, here’s the iPad.”

9. “I don’t think your sister wants to go into the tumble dryer/oven/press/freezer.”

10. “No you can’t go outside in your slippers.”

11. “But it’s sweet potato/sweetcorn/peas-you loved them yesterday!”

12. “She’s your sister and she loves you, that’s why she wants to be close to you.”

13. “It’s 7:30. One more Peppa Pig and then bed.”

14. “It’s 7:45. One more Peppa Pig and then bed.”

15. “It’s 8:00. This is definitely the last Peppa Pig.”

16. “I think the washing machine is ok for Duplo blocks, thanks.”

17. “Take your pants off your head.We’re going outside.”

18. “Mammy would love to take you to Monkey Business for the third day in a row but I think they’re closed today*.”

19. “Look,this paper here would LOVE some colouring. I think the walls have had enough.”

20. “Do you want the nightlight on?Ok, I’ll turn it off. No you want it on?Ok. Off? Ok. On? Ok. Night night. Off?ok….”

*This is an outright lie. They open seven days a week but there’s only so much indoor play centre teeming with crazed toddlers and kids that Mammy can take.


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