Last week I went to my local GP convinced I was suffering from a particularly nasty bout of the flu or some mystery vital infection.My limbs felt heavy,my head muggy, I had aches and pains all over. A routine examination was conducted and bloods taken. All came back normal.It was left to me to form a diagnosis for myself an this is what I came up with-smallchilditis. This is a condition which afflicts the parents of small children,usually under the age of 4. Symptoms vary wildly according to the children in question but common ones include
- A bone aching,psychosis inducing insomnia brought about by a toddler’s inability to distinguish night from day.
- A dwindling bank account-tiny humans are expensive.
- The inability to recall simple facts such as your pin code and the surnames of anyone you have ever met.
- Those simple facts being replaced by the lyrics to songs from Frozen and the theme tune to Peppa Pig.
- Cravings for junk food to get that quick fix sugar high.
- Despite your best efforts, the TV assuming the role of unofficial third parent.
- Every room in the house becoming a dumping ground for innumerable bits of brightly coloured plastic and hundreds of tiny eyes following you wherever you go.
There is no cure for smallchilditis but over time sufferers can learn to manage the condition and live as normal a life as possible. It’s not all doom and gloom, as certain positive side effects do exist including-
- An unlimited amount of cuddles and kisses
- Uncontainable giggles
- A contented heart and
- An uncontrollable urge to do it all again